Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize