Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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