Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
