apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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