I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
