My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
