I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
