Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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