and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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