i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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