It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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