I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
