lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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