Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
