Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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