The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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