just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this boner is exhausting
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
