I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
