Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.