Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask