Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober