what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.