I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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