I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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