I am spending my child support on dildos
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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