Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
