Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
