my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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