just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish you could order shots online.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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