Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
