I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
