When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
why is half of my head shaved?
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