I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize