I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
