Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
