a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
