I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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