I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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