no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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