You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
