Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
