Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
