i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
too bad you live with your parents still
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
