Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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