Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
