My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
