I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
