Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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