the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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