Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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