if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
