there's paper in my vomit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
