I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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