There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
