i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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