Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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