He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
