If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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