dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
