I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
