I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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