U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
