I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
