I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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