highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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