If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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