Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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