My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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