Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
