i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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