Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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