DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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