im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
