I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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