dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
