Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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