Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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