Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
