you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
