Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
