Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
