he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
