whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
