someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize