Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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