Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
