we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
